Author: Liz Pacilio

A Woman Questions Her Lack of Sexual Desire

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

I stumbled upon a question (dated 11/28/2015, Why Don’t I feel Sexual Attraction?) and question that with myself. I’m 53 years old, divorced (two grown children) and have had several unsuccessful relationships since then. I sympathize with the other reader, as I also don’t “get” it. I’ve experienced deep love in my heart and mind, but I have never experienced an innate desire to take my clothes off with another person. I’ve always had sex with my past boyfriends/ex-husband out of love for what they physically needed, but because I didn’t understand how to match what they felt, they were disappointed. And I was equally frustrated because I didn’t feel like I was “missing out” on anything – you can’t miss/long for what you don’t desire. I will say this though – I find that some sexual acts are a very peculiar way to express/show love. And I could never understand a partner’s insistence on “giving” me an orgasm when my body wasn’t wanting one. If my body is at peace, why disrupt that peacefulness only to make me work extra hard for the orgasm, so that I could go back to being peaceful – totally unnecessary.

Thank you,
Equally Confused Continue reading →

A Sibling Grieves Their Sister’s Death, and Seeks Spiritual Insight

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

Almost a year ago, in March, my seventeen-year-old sister died from SUDEP (unexpected death from epilepsy). Grief is a weird thing… Last spring, I felt hopeless, sad, angry, but eventually that subsided and I just kind of went numb. Recently, I think because the anniversary is coming up, I have been extremely emotional, exhausted, and can’t seem to find much motivation to do anything. For example, for the past six months or so I have been going to yoga to try to release my emotions in a positive way, but I don’t even want to do that anymore. Do you have any advice about grief and any insight into the spiritual realm? I used to have vivid dreams of her, I haven’t in a while, we have been to mediums and they said to look for dimes from the spirit realm, I haven’t found one in a while. I just miss her. Continue reading →

A Student Struggles to Cope with Multiple Suicides at her High School

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

Over the past year and a half, three kids I went to high school with have committed suicide. I was not close friends with these three people, but I feel extremely saddened by their loss. I’m confused why it bothers me so much since I wasn’t close friends with them. Sometimes I feel guilty, because I feel like if I was closer with them, I could have done something to help. Randomly, I think about them and start crying, especially when I see pictures of them on social media. I want them to be in a better place and at peace. Can you please help me sort through these confusing thoughts? Continue reading →

Hope Amidst Traumatic Grief

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

A very good friend of mine was murdered about four months ago. Her death outraged and saddened my entire community, and I’ve had a hard time accepting that she’s gone, because it just doesn’t seem real. I’m writing because I’ve had many dreams about her since it happened, and I’m not sure what they mean. Maybe she’s visiting me? Maybe my brain is rewinding to that event? Could you help me out? Continue reading →

College Student Silenced by Professor’s Academic Freedom

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

I have a professor who has recently been talking about a sexual assault case. The perpetrator was a woman and a school guidance counselor who plead guilty to four counts of felonious sexual assault. The victim was a 14-year-old boy who was later diagnosed with PTSD and depression, after the assaults took place. Three college professors wrote a character statement for the defense team supporting the perpetrator. The president of the college fired the professors for supporting her. My professor personally knows the perpetrator and keeps telling my class how she is a good person and how her life is ruined because of this case. He also keeps telling us how it is stupid that the professors got fired. He expressed how this “one bad thing” is going to ruin her life. During this discussion in class I was getting really upset, but I did not feel comfortable speaking up. My roommate and I both have him as a professor, but in different classes. The next day my roommate came back from his class crying, because she was so upset about the conversation he had with her class. Later that day, my professor sent both classes an incredibly biased news article, basically expressing support for the three professors and the defendant. I think it is incredibly ignorant of my teacher to talk about the case the way he has been. However, I do not know how to address this problem. Please help! Continue reading →

Victimized by Crime: Hope and Healing After Trauma

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Liz,

I’m a 26-year-old woman living a charmed life: 2 great kids, loving husband, well-to-do, intelligent, very attractive, very outgoing personality. A week ago I came home from shopping around noon and walked in on 3 teens (probably) burglarizing our house. Thankfully I was unhurt but was left tightly bound, gagged, face down and hogtied on the kitchen floor. I struggled furiously but couldn’t get free. Three hours later my kids and two of their friends arrived from school and found me “mmphing” and lying all tied up in a helpless, embarrassing heap. They removed the gag from my mouth but had to get a neighbor to untie the rest of me. I was humiliated and felt my self-esteem completely evaporate. A week has gone by and I’m depressed and feel like a schnook. For my kids to see me so utterly bound has destroyed my pride, sense of dignity. How do I recover from this mental ordeal and regain my sense of confidence, pride? Continue reading →

Follow The Star: The Miraculous is in the Ordinary

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

The feast of manifestation, or Epiphany, is traditionally celebrated the 12th day after Christmas, January 6. It marks the day the Three Kings arrived at the birthplace of baby Jesus, and welcomed him.  They followed the star, and found their way, and celebrated when they arrived.  

As the Christmas story tells us, the Prince of Peace had a stepfather, and his name was Joseph. Joseph appears to have been an ordinary man of his time.  He was a devout Jewish man, faithful, hard-working, and he was betrothed to Mary, having taken her into his home.  At the passing of a year, she would be his wife, and they would then be intimate and begin their family.  But that ordinariness was interrupted, and Joseph was to endure a test of faith greater than most.     Continue reading →

When Siblings Disagree: Caring for an Elderly Parent Amidst Family Discord

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Dear Liz,

I have four siblings, we are all in our 50’s. My mother passed away 40 years ago. My father is now 85 with Alzheimer’s for the past 7 years. I am the youngest of the four and my father gave me his health directive 8 years ago. Now that I have become my father’s legal guardian, my eldest brother has taken the role to be the “overseer” of me and reports on me to attorneys and a trustee of my Dad’s trust, in fact insisting that I report to these people on a regular basis every email, every call, every issue. Continue reading →

Moving Beyond Resentment: Finding Peace after Being Wronged

~ Liz Pacilio ~ 3 Comments

Dear Liz,

I took care of my cousin’s son (was awarded emergency temporary custody).  I took him to all his appointments, provided for him, did everything to get his SSI benefits back, raised him as my own with my SSA money.  His mom decided she wanted him back and turned my life into a living hell.  SSI said they couldn’t give me my money after finding he was disabled in my name, but they gave his mom his check after I gave him back to her.  She even used him for the income tax season. Continue reading →

What is a Relationship?

~ Liz Pacilio ~ Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

Over the last few months, I’ve received a number of questions about relationships, all of which shared a common theme:  one person appears to be 100% invested, while the other is not.  I’ve heard from a number of women who are upset and confused, because while their partner is professing his love, he is also questioning the relationship.  I’ve heard, “he needs to treat me better” and “we love each other, but we’ve started to fight Continue reading →