What is a Relationship?

Dear Friends,

Over the last few months, I’ve received a number of questions about relationships, all of which shared a common theme:  one person appears to be 100% invested, while the other is not.  I’ve heard from a number of women who are upset and confused, because while their partner is professing his love, he is also questioning the relationship.  I’ve heard, “he needs to treat me better” and “we love each other, but we’ve started to fight Continue reading

When a Relationship Begins with Lies

Dear Liz,

I recently (in the past month and a half) started a “relationship” with a boy older than me. We weren’t official, but we were intimate and he acted like he cared about me. Today I found out he had lied to me about so much. From having a girlfriend, kids, to his race. I told his girlfriend and she was so grateful for me being honest with her. I messaged him after to ask him some questions I had. He’s talking about how he feels about himself and I can’t help but care. Should I just drop him and run because of all the lies? Or should I try and be friends? It hurts me to not try and help someone who is in pain. Continue reading

A Compromising Photo, Betrayal, and Humiliation

Dear Liz,

A few months back a (male) friend obtained a compromising photo of me. He sent it to a friend because he was promised to be paid for it. He swore up and down that he deleted the picture and I would be given the money for it. I never expected to be paid for this, but he was a friend I trusted at the time and chose to believe the picture was deleted. Fast forward a few months. I’m at a party talking to a different friend who blurts out, “he didn’t delete the picture.” I learned he’d saved it and been showing people and bragging. When I confronted him he of course denied it. I told him how angry and embarrassed I was and have since cut off all ties to him.

My question for you is how do I cope with this embarrassing event? I realize there is not much to be done in terms of erasing all that has happened, but how can I get past it and trust people who claim to be friends? What can I do to heal the wounds this has given me? Continue reading

Boyfriend’s Past Trauma Hurting Current Relationship

Dear Liz,

I am at a crossroads because I am about to graduate, I have job interviews lined up, I have one more month living so close to all my best friends, and my boyfriend and I are super committed. Everything on that list is so exciting- except my boyfriend. I would say a vast majority of the time we’re together he is AMAZING. Friends and family adore him, he respects me and he’s sensitive toward my emotions. But, he has had awful trauma in his life that he has not sorted through. So this results in attachment issues and violence. He is hesitant to support anything that I plan for post-grad because he is scared I will move too far away from him, he’ll lose me, etc. It’s frustrating- but we have had very open communication about it and I do not see it as a deal breaker…on its own. As for violence, he is not violent toward me. However, when he gets near alcohol he becomes very aggressive toward other men- especially when he sees them as a threat to our relationship. This came to an “all time high” when I had to bail him out of jail for fighting recently. Violence is a HUGE deal breaker for me- we’ve talked about it, it continues. However, he was in a very dark place when he met me, and he has come out of it, but I feel if I leave him he will slip back to drinking, drug abuse, and failing school a month before grad. I am so conflicted. Help me? Continue reading

Afraid for Roommate who is Pregnant and Being Abused

Dear Liz,

My roommate is dating a guy my other roommate and I can’t stand. He’s rude, immature and treats her like crap! Not only that, he verbally abuses her, and she has told me that he has hit her before. When I asked her about it she pushed it aside and told me that it has only happened once while he was drunk. He’s high on numerous occasions when he sees her.  He is controlling and bosses her around; she does everything for him and he cannot seem to do anything on his own.  He’s 25 and acts like child. He is rude and degrading to both me and my other roommate. He has made sexual comments towards us and about us…in front of her! and she says nothing. She has had a hard year—her mother recently passed and she is dealing with the stress of school and graduating and above all, her boyfriend. I want to convince her into leaving him, but she does not see how bad he is for her like I do. She is now pregnant with his child and leaving him is not an option in her mind. I am scared he is going to hurt her or the baby as time goes on. What do I do? I want to help her, but if I say anything I risk our friendship—she’s stubborn and does not want to hear what I have to say. If I try to say anything she gets mad at me and ignores everything I try to tell her. Help Liz, I am scared for my best friend. Continue reading

My Friend Was Raped:  Should She Press Charges?

Dear Liz,

I’ve been friends with a girl for four or five years and we are very close. She’s the type who has always been a bit anxious and nervous, which leads to serious insecurity. Around senior year of high school we became distant and only this past year did we rekindle our friendship. This month I learned that she was ‘date raped’ in high school. She was at a party with a lot of people from our school, and she got so drunk that she blacked out. Someone said they saw this boy drag her up the stairs, because she couldn’t walk, and nobody stopped them, and he took her outside and had sex with her. The only reason my friend found out was because he took a video and posted it on his snapchat story. She has no recollection of this event. I don’t know how many people she told at this time. But now, probably about three years later, she is still coming to terms with it. This month she broke down crying to me, my roommate, and her sister about it. We were all furious at how something like this could have happened. She wonders if she should press charges, but worries that if she does she will have to see the video. I know that you have a background in law so I am wondering if you know anything about the statute of limitations with rape.  What do you think a young lady should do in this situation? Continue reading