Struggling to Get Over an Ex

Hi Liz,

I’m a college age woman who has recently been through a break-up and I’m having a really hard time forgetting him/moving on. It was my decision to end the relationship and break up, as there were many ways he was not a good boyfriend. Many girls even told me he cheated on me. Don’t get me wrong, there were good things about him too. After all, I did love him a lot. I’m just really struggling to get over him, even though I know deep down he was not a good boyfriend. I know I deserved better and still do deserve better, yet I still find myself crying and missing him. I don’t know how to get out of this weird funk I’m in. I’m often sad when I’m alone and can’t stop thinking about him. I need to move on from him, but I really don’t know how. Continue reading

What is a Relationship?

Dear Friends,

Over the last few months, I’ve received a number of questions about relationships, all of which shared a common theme:  one person appears to be 100% invested, while the other is not.  I’ve heard from a number of women who are upset and confused, because while their partner is professing his love, he is also questioning the relationship.  I’ve heard, “he needs to treat me better” and “we love each other, but we’ve started to fight Continue reading

Boyfriend’s Past Trauma Hurting Current Relationship

Dear Liz,

I am at a crossroads because I am about to graduate, I have job interviews lined up, I have one more month living so close to all my best friends, and my boyfriend and I are super committed. Everything on that list is so exciting- except my boyfriend. I would say a vast majority of the time we’re together he is AMAZING. Friends and family adore him, he respects me and he’s sensitive toward my emotions. But, he has had awful trauma in his life that he has not sorted through. So this results in attachment issues and violence. He is hesitant to support anything that I plan for post-grad because he is scared I will move too far away from him, he’ll lose me, etc. It’s frustrating- but we have had very open communication about it and I do not see it as a deal breaker…on its own. As for violence, he is not violent toward me. However, when he gets near alcohol he becomes very aggressive toward other men- especially when he sees them as a threat to our relationship. This came to an “all time high” when I had to bail him out of jail for fighting recently. Violence is a HUGE deal breaker for me- we’ve talked about it, it continues. However, he was in a very dark place when he met me, and he has come out of it, but I feel if I leave him he will slip back to drinking, drug abuse, and failing school a month before grad. I am so conflicted. Help me? Continue reading

Finding the Courage to Say I Love You

Dear Liz,

For the past 5 or so years I have been on and off with this boy. We have never officially been boyfriend and girlfriend though. We would talk like we were, text constantly, and went on dates. The first time this ended he ended up dating someone else so I moved on. Once we were both single again, years later, we ended up right back where we were. That lasted for about 8 or 9 months. During that time period he went to school in another country for 6 months. When he came back things were great, we went on a date, and then after a month things slowly faded away. We didn’t talk like we used to, we were just friends. It has been at least 2 years since we were more than friends. Neither of us dated much. In the back of my head I always thought that the two of us would end up together. These feelings stopped me from being in a relationship with someone I really liked. Now he is in a serious relationship and I don’t know how to move on. For the past 5 years he has also been one of my best friends. Do I have to stop talking to him completely to move on? How can I start this process? Continue reading

Blending Families: Dating as a Single Parent

Dear Liz,

For several years I have been madly in love with a wonderful man. When I found him, I was a mess and needed to work on myself, which I did, wholeheartedly. (Antidepressants, therapy, and reading). He stuck by me, the whole time, offering support. I gained a lot of strength and confidence. He’s inspired me in lots of ways to be the best version of myself. We both have children from previous relationships. His children lead a different life then mine do. I won’t get into specifics, but basically, his children need his attention constantly in ways mine don’t need me. I think his commitment to his family is wonderful, and part of the reason I respect and admire him so much. But because he is so focused on them, he has little time for me. (At this time, the idea of blending our families has not come up in conversation). I’m at a point in my life where I don’t “need” anyone. But I do want him very much. I want him to be my life partner. He’s focused on other things though. How can I show him my love and support without sacrificing myself here? He was able to show me love and patience and kindness… I want to do the same….but I also don’t want to pine away for him while he tends to his family. Continue reading

Getting Back With an Ex

Dear Liz,

I dated a boy in high school for 3 years, he studied abroad in Italy for 4 months, and we broke up while he was there. Our relationship wasn’t the best, but we were in love, and we both knew that for sure. It was a controlling relationship, on both ends. This past summer I began to date a new boy, it was very different -less controlling-but I still thought about my ex ALL THE TIME and because of this, I broke up with the new guy.  Why am I still thinking about my ex all the time? Does this mean I should try and pursue him again? I’ve always heard “if you can’t go a day without thinking about the person, it’s worth it”…. HELP!!!!!!   Continue reading

What is a home and how do I find one?

Dear Liz,

They say home is where the heart is. But I don’t know where my heart is…

My life has been one of inconsistency. I am 21 years old and already I have lived in 15 different “homes” (houses). That number doesn’t include the two separate places where both of my parents currently reside while I attend school (also not counted) on the opposite side of the country. I see them for a few weeks every 6 months, the case for the last 3 years. If I define a place I’ve lived as a place where I have a permanent bed I can call my own, the number is nearly 20. Almost one for every year that I have walked this earth. This doesn’t bother me, except the inconvenience of travel (I’ve had to drive cross-country about 4 times now, once by myself which was fun). I like to be independent.  Soon I will be faced with a strange predicament where I could choose Oregon, Nevada or New Hampshire as my state of residence. This is not where my struggle lies, though.

Small talk with peers always includes my least favorite question: So where are you from? Sometimes I say California, sometimes New Hampshire, other times I just say it’s complicated and that I’m from nowhere and everywhere. I have discovered a very interesting form of homelessness. While I am not living on the streets, I feel as though I have no real home. There is Continue reading

Young Woman Questions Sexual Orientation/Worries About Family’s Reaction

Dear Liz,

My whole life up until now I have dated males.  This past summer, my best friend of seven years and I started getting closer.  We are now dating and have been for seven months, though it’s been kept a secret.   I am not attracted to girls, yet I see the girl I am dating as the most beautiful soul I have ever met.  It almost doesn’t matter that she’s a girl because I see her as perfection.  Does this make me homosexual?  Do you think that even though I never saw this for my life, I can be with her for the rest of my life, despite all the changes and controversy it will bring?  The other question I have is how to deal with telling my parents—I was raised Catholic and my parents are very religious.  This is my best friend from home and we have sleepovers and she is basically part of my family, and I don’t want to show my parents disrespect under their roof.  If it were a boyfriend, he wouldn’t be allowed in my bedroom, but they don’t know about my situation.  Is honesty the best policy, even though I know it will destroy them?
Continue reading